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Divorce advice needed - please help

10-05-2013, 07:06 PM (This post was last modified: 15-05-2013 05:19 PM by admin.)
Post: #1
Divorce advice needed - please help
I got married (love cum arrange marriage - Hindu & Jain) on 1/5/2012. After marriage as i was new to culture, couldn't cope up with thoughts of my in laws due to which arguments started between me and my mother in law. I asked my husband to solve it but he couldn't. Later I got to know I have spondelysis, vitamins and all had become less due to which I was unable to work and my in laws also dint help me. husband helped me in between. i broke down due to all this & fights started between me & my husband.later i asked husband to stay separate but he said no also his parents said they wont their son i may take any decision. so i left that house & came to my parents house (its 5 months now m staying at my parents house). after that i asked husband to take me back but now in laws saying we don't want you back. You can take your husband also with you. But now husband saying better we get separated as still we can move on in our lives and get good life partners. He is not independent money-wise being businessman and joint family but we both are software professionals.I don't want divorce at all as I love him more than my life. I apologized for all things even for which i had not done. Still they not accepting me & he asking to get separated as he didn't trust me anymore. I tried convincing him a lot to start staying together "you will start trusting me and loving me again. We will win your parents too and will be back to my in laws again". But he is not ready. How should i convince him? till end i won't say yes for divorce as i love him a lot, he is my life. I cant live without him. Please suggest me what should I do. Please help me how should I change his mind from divorce to staying together again? Please help me its urgent..

Thanx..
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15-05-2013, 05:16 PM
Post: #2
RE: Husband thinking of divorce;I'm completey against it.Please help
It is common in India to see mother-in-law(MIL) hating the bride if it wasn't approved by her or it was a love marriage by his son. It is also very common to see that MIL's ego becomes more important that it becomes higher than even her son's happiness & prosperity. Educated lady like you( and your parents) may not stoop to the level your MIL wants. She does not want give away her son to you.

By begging for forgiveness, repeatedly you've shown yourself as feeble, low importance person which can be easily ignored. Maintain your self-respect and don't stoop to low levels which will eventually give low impression of yours. You must earn well matching your level to maintain dignity.

You need to strong and live along with your husband. Fight to be along him. Fight with your MIL, so much that will increase her BP, make her sleepless. Try your best to take your husband out from his joint family and live with you. As long as you leave him alone with his family, their thinking will persist on him mind. To set him free, you must strive to move him out of his house not by request -- but by force. Go and create scene in your relative's party, in marriage function. Whichever thing can bring pressure on your MIL.

Who is stopping you to quarrel? After all it's your own life and nobody else's life. Your MIL or your own parents will soon leave this world one day or the other, leaving only you alone.
So you and your husband are alone to decide about your current and future life.

Honestly don't think at all about divorce. Instead feel bonded with him, and firmly decide to live only with your husband till death. Why not? Why should you bother about short bumps in your long span of life? You ignore current difficulties. Such periods come and go, but more important is that you both remain united. Today you're with him. One day he will be to you in different circumstances.

About your health problems, many women are in similar situation to yours. You must take right medication. Meet good Gyno and regularly take medicines. Another thing is to expose yourself to Sunlight for vitamin-D which almost all urban women in India lack. Increase your butter/non-veg/milk consumption. Otherwise bad health is good germinating ground for pessimism and unhappiness. To be strong and keep yourself away from weak/negative ideas -- be healthy.

About convincing your husband, be soft and polite with him always as ever. Never be beseeching. But with your MIL and others you can be rude or quarrel to any extent.

I suggest you meet any reputed lawyer, not for divorce but to bully your MIL and her family in legal terms too. See if you can use anti-dowry law for your benefit. Tell the lawyer that you're paying him to have you and your husband united and nothing else.

About your sentence "I can't live without him", I suggest you change it to "I love him very much and always want to be near him". Nobody's life is certain in this world and we're here to live and not to die. Life is million times better than death.

So pack your luggage and boldly move to live with your husband. Be soft with him. But make you MIL's life difficult and try to move out to another city along with your hubby.

Little work .. but later your life will be happier and enjoyable. This is your objective and nothing else.
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 Thanks given by: kdf
16-05-2013, 10:29 AM (This post was last modified: 16-05-2013 11:21 AM by admin.)
Post: #3
RE: Husband thinking of divorce;I'm completey against it.Please help
Thanks for the reply.

I am trying my best to be strong. I want to live with my husband only but he says he needs more time as by leaving that house for small reason like fight with MIL has broken his trust. By doing this I have disrespected my elders (my all in laws) then whatever may be the reason. Still am trying my best to be with him soon. I am also ready to be with my in laws forever as I don't want to break any relation whether MIL may think anything.

Frankly speaking creating scenes etc wont be possible for me. I am sorry. I will fight but not this way.

I am not at all thinking about divorce. I wont let him file for divorce but in worst case even if he files for it I will fight in court too and make him feel that his decision is wrong and he should come back to me.

I am not afraid of short bumps at all as I very well know after a couple of years or say 5 years none will even remember what all things had happened.

About lawyer, I am sorry once again but I really don't want to do all these things due to 3 things. 1) They have not done such things 2) What difference will be there in me and my MIL then? 3) Due to this he will surely divorce me.

My current situation is he is saying he don't trust me anymore and I wont be happy with him as he couldn't keep me happy for these 6 months I wont be happy with him forever. So better we get divorced and I be happy with someone else. But this is complete wrong thoughts. I am trying my best to convince him that he is my happiness. Without him I wont be happy a bit also. Some bad patch in our married life I hope this will turn into good patch soon and we will be together forever very soon. I am trying my best for the same and will fight for the same with anyone.

Thanks a lot for your reply. It really made me confident and more strong. Yes, I love him very much and always want to be near him.
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16-05-2013, 11:35 AM
Post: #4
RE: Divorce advice needed - please help
I mean no matter what you do, your objective must be met. So you can fight and be rude if it can work in favor of you, rather than lose this. You say you can't do this, it means you can find a solution without going this way. Good! You know better about those priorities.

Disregard your husband's statements. Let him say whatever. Tell him, I don't care all this. He'll soon stop saying this ....

About meeting lawyer .. isn't to go to court but to take advice just to safeguard if your husband tries to divorce you. Before he reaches for one, you better meet one and safeguard your interests beforehand. You won't tell anyone about this. Won't you?
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16-05-2013, 12:04 PM
Post: #5
RE: Divorce advice needed - please help
I agree. Frankly speaking till now i behaved rudely itself due to which I am in this situation. Now trying to be polite and win it. I wont let it lose.

Main is that only that what he is saying is giving me tension. I know he luvs me a lot but his these sentences gives me tension.

Nope I am not going to tell to anyone as others will take another meaning for my this step. I took help of yours for making all this fine but if my husband gets to know he mite misunderstand me and think I want to break. So better to keep mum.

Thanks once again..

(16-05-2013 11:35 AM)admin Wrote:  I mean no matter what you do, your objective must be met. So you can fight and be rude if it can work in favor of you, rather than lose this. You say you can't do this, it means you can find a solution without going this way. Good! You know better about those priorities.

Disregard your husband's statements. Let him say whatever. Tell him, I don't care all this. He'll soon stop saying this ....

About meeting lawyer .. isn't to go to court but to take advice just to safeguard if your husband tries to divorce you. Before he reaches for one, you better meet one and safeguard your interests beforehand. You won't tell anyone about this. Won't you?
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16-05-2013, 12:08 PM
Post: #6
RE: Divorce advice needed - please help
You need to regularly meet your husband as it seems that not meeting in 2 years can be ground for divorce. There may be some other which only good advocate will know.
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16-05-2013, 12:35 PM
Post: #7
RE: Divorce advice needed - please help
I am meeting him atleast once in a month. this month i met him thrice. But we met outside and not at home as my in laws not ready to let me even step in that house. I am trying my best to solve this issue by keeping constant communication and discussion with him. I really hope things get sorted out soon.

Thanks

(16-05-2013 12:08 PM)admin Wrote:  You need to regularly meet your husband as it seems that not meeting in 2 years can be ground for divorce. There may be some other which only good advocate will know.
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03-09-2013, 06:58 PM
Post: #8
RE: Divorce advice needed - please help
Court will give six month time period. In that period you should go for counseling, they will ask for problems, they will suggest you solutions. Even after that you are not willing to live with partner, then court will give divorce.
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06-09-2013, 05:38 PM
Post: #9
RE: Divorce advice needed - please help
Hello all,

Thanks a lot for your advices. There is a good news from my side. My parents, his parents and we both finally had discussion on all this. They forgived me also they accepted their mistakes and I am going next week back to my home Smile Really thanks a lot for your best wishes. I am very happy.. Thanks a lot Smile

Regards,
Ketaki
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20-05-2019, 11:02 PM
Post: #10
RE: Divorce advice needed - please help
Hi

I am also the same situation 5 years ago. I understand your feelings. I do not know it's helping you or not but I will personally be sharing with you all things which are happening with me. after two years for marriage, I will be decided to be divorce with him due to some reason but he does not want. I had to go to depression. Then someone suggests me to go to websites which has advice you best. then I go to the lovelearnings here are provide a step-by-step best solution to the what to do when your husband/wife wants a divorce, common dating problems, marriages, relationships, and other common issues in couples. So I will get a divorce under 6 months and now I am so happy with my 2-year son. I will suggest you should also go to some best website which gives you the best advice.
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